Monster
by Chinky Phillipa
Summary: Jasper's POV. in New Moon at Bella's 18th Birthday.


**Why Phillipa? Why are you writting so many Alice/Jasper fanfics if you don't like Twilight? Because I love Alice and Jasper, just not the book with no plot line (Does that even make sense? Not liking the book but liking the characters...Oh well, when does anything I ever say make sense?)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own twilight, Smeyer does, be thankfull I don't own twilight...or Edward and Bella would be _dead_ U:**Bella entered the house, blushing in embarrassment. I tried to focus my attention on her feelings instead of the blood rising to her cheeks. She looked around at all of the decorations that Alice had put up. I saw her eyes move to Rosalie and felt her embarrassment change to hesitation, wary and a small degree of pain. Rosalie was restraining herself, trying not to glare at her on her birthday. Emmett was happy to see Bella after all of those months down in Africa. You didn't need to have my special ability to see that.

* * *

Alice let go of my hand and walked to meet Bella as Emmett stepped outside.

It was all going fine. Bella was preparing to open her presents and I could feel the reluctance and anger radiating from her body. She didn't want presents and yet we still bought her some. I was keeping my usual distance from her. After the terror down in Phoenix, I should have been used to her smell and should have been able to control myself. I could, I was sure of that, but I didn't want to take any chances.

Bella opened the package containing the empty car radio box. I tried not to laugh as her reluctance turned into confusion. Emmett was installing the radio into her old truck and so he wasn't there to laugh at her face. If he was present, there would have been no way for me to contain my own laughter after hearing his obnoxious bark.

I couldn't take it any longer. Her confusion was so overpowering.  
"It's a stereo for you truck," I explained, laughing freely as her confusion became less noticeable, "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."

She thanked Rosalie, Emmett and I in turn and then moved on to the next present.

It was from Alice and Edward. She gave him an intimidating stare when she found out that he had participated in the madness of the Cullens' party for her. I bit my lip to hold in my laughter. Even though I knew what the present was, and could feel her reaction more strongly then I could see it, I stepped towards her, closer than usual. She noticed but did not say anything.

The CD he had made her, containing all of his compositions, was wrapped in silver paper, like all of the other gifts. She looked at it like it was going to jump up and bite her on the nose. She, ever so slowly, slid her finger under the edge and tugged at the tape.

Then it happened.

The edge of the paper must have cut her finger. A single drop of blood trickled out of her cut, but it was enough.

Before I had time to think, I was racing towards her. My throat was burning with anticipation. Her scent had always been so lovely, like flowers in the spring, but her taste. Oh, how I longed to taste her blood. I could feel the extra amount of venom in my mouth. I was almost there.

My mind forgot to take into account Edward. Of course he could tell what I was thinking, what I was planning. I heard him shout "No!" as he shoved Bella aside. I didn't have time to change my direction and as a consequence, I smashed right into him. Our clashing bodies made the sound of thunder.

I felt Emmett wrap his arms around me, holding me in his death grip. His muscular arms were crushing mine to my side. I was silently cursing him for being stronger than me. He was denying me of my wants, my needs. I struggled to get free. My eyes were only for Bella. She had cut her arm on the glass bowls when Edward had pushed her and her arm was now oozing bright red blood. Delicious blood. My mouth watered.

I was faintly aware of my jaw snapping. Some small portion of my mind was screaming questions at me. Why are you doing this? Can't you control yourself? You have worked so hard to live this way. This isn't some newborn down in Texas. This is Bella! The girlfriend of your adopted brother! She is family.

But, my mind was no longer in control. My body belonged to my instincts. That small portion could do nothing.

"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside." Carlisle was the only one of us that remained calm. His many years of experience in the operating room were evident in his quiet voice.

"Come on, Jasper." Emmett said as he hauled me towards the door that Esme was holding open. Her face was ashamed but I wasn't sure if it was my reaction or the fact that she was holding her mouth and nose with her hand, trying to stop the smell of blood from affecting her. I still struggled to free myself from his iron grip. My jaw, still snapping, was far to close to his neck. That small portion in my mind was praying that I would not hurt him in my time of insanity.

Rosalie had positioned herself in front of me, blocking Bella from my view. I struggled to get around her. Bella's face was frightened and Edward had move in front of her, crouching low in a stance of protection.

It wasn't long before I was dragged outside. The cool September air cleared my thoughts, but only slightly. Once my instincts started to fade, I felt ashamed. I didn't even waste time in trying to decipher the feelings that were coming off of my family. I turned and ran.

I ran as fast as I could, dodging tress and innocent animals. Alice's face flashed in my mind. Her sweet and lovely features were twisted in disappointment. I mentally shuddered at her expression. I knew that she would tell me not to worry. That it was an accident and that I shouldn't feel bad. I knew Bella would forgive me. She was remarkably understanding when it came to our kind.

I had let Alice down. I had let Bella down. I had let everyone down.

I was once again ashamed of what I was, what I had become. I was ashamed that I was a vampire.


End file.
